New Horizons, Albeit Pink
by Oh Eru
Summary: An LOTR-hating teacher has the greatest shock of her life when a gang of students curse her - literally - into ME. As she struggles to return home and punish them, she meets others, who like her, discover many new things about their lives. [Funny.]


This is the first piece of fan-fiction the crime (s)quad has co-written.  
  
Disclaimer: Uh, we, er, don't own LOTR. But each of us owns a replica of the One Ring Genv bought in Canada.  
  
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~*~*Chapter One*~*~  
  
Enter Julieq. Julieq was a young teacher in her twenties, and relatively new to her profession. This, however, did not bely the fact that she had been the first *female*, *asian* student in a hundred years to come out first for Science at Oxford University in the UK. Returning to her native Singapore after all the news bulletins, interviews and press conferences, Julieq took up teaching at the Ramford Staffles Secondary School for girls. No prizes for guessing what she taught.  
  
It was yet another dreary Monday morning. Julieq swept into the classroom to greet her form class. "Good morning ladies!"  
  
"Gooo-ood mor-ning Miss Zhu," the class chanted dully. There was the usual scraping of chairs as the class settled down. Julieq ruffled her notes into order.  
  
Meanwhile, in the back row...  
  
Enter the LRAJD club - "LOTR Rules and Julieq Drools". This was a small bunch of students devoted to - guess what - the Lord of the Rings, of course. Of course, this devotion was seen in varying degrees - from Mikkel, who couldn't tell Elrond from Galadriel, and had only joined because she had been forced to by her best friend Shauna, to Cassie, who was fluent in all dialects of Elvish, Dwarvish, Entish and Orkish, writing systems included, and was a very reliable encyclopedia on all things Middle-Earth. Possibly it could be said the one thing they all had in common was an interest in LOTR and a strong dislike of their form teacher.  
  
Julieq pulled out a marker and turned to the board. "Today we shall discuss the periodic table."  
  
As Julieq launched into a very factual explanation of each component of the periodic table, Mikkel dove into the Silmarillion which Shauna was making her read, and Cassie started studying Orkish. Other members of the LRAJD started reading or writing fanfiction while Yvonne the artistic freak pulled out a sketchbook and began drawing.  
  
They had all neglected the inevitable fact that Julieq was prowling the classroom as she spoke.  
  
Suddenly...*insert dramatic, da-da-da-dum music here*  
  
*Riiiip*  
  
"Are you listening or - This is all wrong! Nobody can have such a figure! (She was at Yvonne's place) All the muscles are in the wrong place, and according to the law of physics this figure, if it *could* exist, would topple very often! Why is it that you are not concentrating but instead doing all this...*crap*? And ears can *never* be so pointed as that, despite there being such a thing as Darwin's earpoint!"  
  
This was more than Cassie could take.  
  
"But Miii-iis Zhu!" she whined, "They're not *humans*! They're ELVES!"  
  
This further fired Julieq.  
  
"Oh, the INDIGNITY! How many times do I have to tell you to stick with FACTS?! ROCK, SOLID FACTS! CRAP like this...(she looked at Mikkel's copy of the Silmarillion with an expression of extreme distaste) will get you nowhere! FACTS, ladies, FACTS! I only got where I am because I have long detached myself from the crap that is IMAGINATION!"  
  
"Oh, I see!" Shauna hissed sarcastically to Yvonne. "No *wonder* I hear you flunked creative writing class, making that blemished "F" to your report card they showed on the news..."  
  
"I always wondered at that....."  
  
Hiding her sketchbook, Yvonne said loudly, "Then it is your *imagination* I was drawing."  
  
5 minutes later found the entire LRAJD cast out in the corridor.  
  
"I'll deal with you later," Julieq had promised.  
  
"This calls for drastic measures..." Cassie muttered.  
  
"Hear, hear!" they agreed heartily.  
  
"Manwë Súlimo! Hear our prayer and mete out punishment to she who has defied your world and your people!"  
  
TBC.  
  
Please review. This is not a Mary-Sue. I repeat. This is not a Mary- Sue. I mean, she doesn't even know she's been turned into a Mary-Sue. 


End file.
